I’ve often joked about still trying to figure out what it is I want to be when I grow up. And I’ll be turning 40 in just a couple of months. This whole full-time mom gig has an expiration date that’s peeking out over the horizon. Then what?
When I was a little girl I always wanted to be a mommy. I think I was pretty smart back then, because I really do love being a mom. I loved my dolls and Barbies. We won’t tell the age that I finally stopped playing with them. Let’s just say…I wasn’t so little any more. But the nurturing force was strong with me.
When I was a high schooler I had grand thoughts of becoming a professional musician…until reality kicked in, and my love of money won out. Heh. Then I decided on a career that would surely rake in the big bucks: Accounting. (Sidenote: I don’t recommend this career if you are prone to transposing numbers. It’s also hard to do children’s spring sports AND tax season. Also, I did not make big bucks, although some people do.)
About halfway through college I had a brief moment in time where I actually contemplated recanting on the whole NOT a musician career choice, but at that point it would have required an additional two years of school. So an accounting major I remained. The funny thing is, I have never once in my life held a position that required a four year accounting degree. I used to bemoan this fact, but now I look back on it and just grin. At least I was smart enough to take horn lessons as my freebie credit all four years of college. It’s the one thing I still use consistently. I wonder if God smirked when I had that realization.
Once I gained my coveted mom status I thought I would be so content. And I was…for a while. About the time my children stopped requiring all of my mental and physical energy I started entertaining thoughts of becoming…something. But what? I’m still pondering that.
I’ve decided that I’ll always be “becoming” and that thought actually makes me feel a smidge of anticipation.
I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am and what I’m doing right now. I wear flat shoes, geeky glasses and have learned to embraced the curly hair given to me by my second born. I blog. I make pretty things on my computer screen. I homeschool my kids. I like my life.
The grass is not greener on the other side, but I feel the need to explore my own pasture a little bit more. I’m resting in the fact that I am not fully who I will one day become, a thought that both scares my socks off and makes me quiver with excitement.
I’m still becoming…but my forties are looking pretty awesome, y’all. I get to start out a brand new decade of life actually liking myself. But I’m also looking forward to what I might be in ten years.
I’m a work in progress. I’m not a career. I’m not “just a mom.” Each season of life has left me a different person than the one who entered it with new skills and experiences and thoughts. Looking back, seeing those changes…well, let’s just say, the Maria of 20 years ago would definitely not have understood each decision made, or the various paths chosen, but I think she would be pleased with the confident woman she will become, even if she wouldn’t change her major in college. Silly girl.
Each day requires at least a little bit of bravery. A small tiptoe outside of the comfort zone. Sometimes a it demands a running start and a ginormous leap. But every day is one more opportunity to grow up just a little bit more. Be yourself, bravely. I’ve been hearing that an awful lot this year. Who knows what you might become?